I never thought I'd live to see the day of the Devil.
Poopi-Face
1 week ago
Monday, March 5, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
New Year - Insanity
Today I woke up with a little help from Snow White to the realization that I am in fact aging. I'm no longer wasting my days away on internet dating sites, nor social networking, but instead working on business plans and watching stocks. Oh how the times have changed! This up coming year I will be TWENTY FUCKING SEVEN! So I rightfully decided that I would celebrate it like had turned 22 (22 being my favorite year) Yes, I'm settling down, well kinda. Most people would think what i'm doing is disgusting. This is because I'm working on building a company based on the advancement of modern medicine (drugs) but shhhhhhhhh. Thats right everything your D.A.R.E. teacher told you was fucking bullshit. Anyway if I weren't ass deep in business 101 I would be writing fiction, however like I said before I'm getting older and it's time to work! . . . for drugs? HAPPY MOTHER FUCKING NEW YEARS THIS Year I'm bringing it in right with two Jersey Boys, Joey and Craig, my ex wife Jenn and my current love Panda. A weird combo of fucking crazies and I couldn't be happier! I feel like 2012 is going to fucking rock, but that's probably because I went to Vegas for XXXMas! Real writing to come, I swear. Hail Satan!
Friday, November 11, 2011
In The Showcases of Love
The curtain peels back for the final call.
“It’s been one hell of a ride, kid, but you put up a good fight”, a reassuring voice…familiar, comforting, but in need of recognizance…immediately placates my explosion of nervous energy.
Fiddling nervously I have no idea how I got here, how many times have I been in such a loving place where there is no path, no path to show me how I got here and how I should exit, given the need to. It’s the need to that got my heart pumping faster, my mind feeling out the world of “If’s” and it is in that world that I may flee back to darkness from which I came, all because I believed you believed I could Not be the one.
In that ultimate, immaculate thought conception, I saw the clear reasons I wanted to take Life from my body. I needed no more excuse nor factual evidence to prove myself that I should simply
not exist.
I relax, recline on my heals, then fall back into the warm darkness of “trust”. I never thought I’d have the balls to do it. Turns out, it didn’t take Balls. It just took on hell of a distorted belief of my so-called Truth, entirely too many prescription pills and a knife off a bottle opener.
And
And Then
I stopped
Dead in my tracks
At What?
A smile so sacred that nothing in this planet could make a parallel reaction shine through my eyes and in to hers, with all the force of world surrounding us, with US surrounding us and all of the word of bullshit dialogue of what was forced into our lives like a fucking movie. Nothing could stop us, or should I say me, with that one smile, as broken as the world may see me. I am yours in your smile.
I could write it whatever way I want, tell an epic tale to a stranger as fiction or fact, adventure or comedy, love story or heavy tragedy. All, balled up in one, could unravel in a heartbeat as a showing of affection, trust, or a cry for company. What I really needed was a dose of reality I could Hang On To, and release me of the prison of my emotional entanglement with my ego. Your smile, piercing eyes and perfected art of Living Life…
…too the Fullest…
We are all addicted to the faces of Love.
“It’s been one hell of a ride, kid, but you put up a good fight”, a reassuring voice…familiar, comforting, but in need of recognizance…immediately placates my explosion of nervous energy.
Fiddling nervously I have no idea how I got here, how many times have I been in such a loving place where there is no path, no path to show me how I got here and how I should exit, given the need to. It’s the need to that got my heart pumping faster, my mind feeling out the world of “If’s” and it is in that world that I may flee back to darkness from which I came, all because I believed you believed I could Not be the one.
In that ultimate, immaculate thought conception, I saw the clear reasons I wanted to take Life from my body. I needed no more excuse nor factual evidence to prove myself that I should simply
not exist.
I relax, recline on my heals, then fall back into the warm darkness of “trust”. I never thought I’d have the balls to do it. Turns out, it didn’t take Balls. It just took on hell of a distorted belief of my so-called Truth, entirely too many prescription pills and a knife off a bottle opener.
And
And Then
I stopped
Dead in my tracks
At What?
A smile so sacred that nothing in this planet could make a parallel reaction shine through my eyes and in to hers, with all the force of world surrounding us, with US surrounding us and all of the word of bullshit dialogue of what was forced into our lives like a fucking movie. Nothing could stop us, or should I say me, with that one smile, as broken as the world may see me. I am yours in your smile.
I could write it whatever way I want, tell an epic tale to a stranger as fiction or fact, adventure or comedy, love story or heavy tragedy. All, balled up in one, could unravel in a heartbeat as a showing of affection, trust, or a cry for company. What I really needed was a dose of reality I could Hang On To, and release me of the prison of my emotional entanglement with my ego. Your smile, piercing eyes and perfected art of Living Life…
…too the Fullest…
We are all addicted to the faces of Love.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
You are a Strange Denial . . . I was a Forced Quit
A stale interaction, a raw affair, two which are the world of my existence. I fight the day to cry the night so humbly at the feet of nothingness. Because there is nothing. There could be nothing, but there was something. A tear at the gaping hole of my existence. A love that shattered the rights and rules of life. You stood there portraying the innocence one, as I dazzled my eyes about your body, and up I go to your mind which is so complex, that I can’t imagine it has room for me. In that deep breath, did you catch it? All the words I wanted to say to you, spilled out then were sucked back in. I’m no one’s muse, or should I say I’m not standing before you with anything to offer. If so I wouldn’t be standing. I would laying down beside you in a place I know only exists in my head. Surrounding myself with something beautiful. That beautiful thing is you. And I’d thought you’d never ask. I thought I would be swimming in this pool of filthy dreams forever. I thought I would be some dying rose you hang upside down. How pitiful when I think or was thought of as just a daydream. Something house wives tell their friends, but not their lovers. You were a strange denial, I was a forced quit. And here I am, standing as a proud lady should, looking you in those eyes that had me in a trance this whole time. You knew. You have always known. What a great sympathy you gave me, in my deep sadden lost. What a fight you brought on, when I answered all the questions right, and gave a chance of freedom as an option. There was never any doubt in my mind I belonged there. Though here I am, still smelling the traces of where you left me. Taking that breath in as a reminder, and spilling myself out in the cold air. I would have never walked away. I couldn’t. The strong heart I have wouldn’t let it go. It kept me singing through the rough times for you to come back. That there would be a miracle. Those days dead with reality. I smile at this, or laugh at that, and think fondly about what could have been a happiness equal expressed by both parties. This Romeo and Juliet, this was all just a sham in my brain. Something I made up, and it was never your fault. You can never be what I thought you were. You could never see what I saw in you. That blindfold had to come off me some time or another, but the batting of your eyes kept me on my trail in some fucked up wonderland. Still there is a place. That place where you hide, and creep up without my knowing, it stings me and I try to look away. I look at something else and call it better. Real. But what is real now? Some pity party of self delusion. Time is what’s got my back. It seems this will fade into nothing. That’s not what I want. I was so immersed in that fossil love. It gave me hope, brought me smiles. Made the days so long and nights so short. But I could never compare. I was never the Romeo. An object in your mind, I played myself, so to speak, in your kind words, and soft kiss. I don’t feel like a fool, as much as I feel like a loss. Because I know something was real. I know something was that which now is the greatest decay of my present state. The days will go on, and I will still be writing up a dream. Writing to no extent the love mass of my delusion in you, and in us.
Constructive Negligence and Neuroscience - Part 2
Loss of Responsibility, Freedom of Choice, and Existence of “You”
What would be the exact definition of “you” or what do you think of when it comes to you as an individual? What makes you an individual? And what would happen if you found out that every single action you did was predetermined by genetics? That you had absolutely no control over what was thought of as your “choices”. Not to involve name placement such as religion, or lets even cut out determinism for a second. But let’s get down to the basics. Would you agree if every thought, action, decision, response, and choice you had as human being could be predetermined given all the variables (including all possible neuron sparks in your brain) and a basic mathematical equation i.e. throw the ball the left, it will go left . . . then the current definition of “you” would be non-applicable to life, and therefore changes the essence of existence. The definition of you commonly being individual actions, likes, dislikes, actions, and most importantly actions. If all could be predetermined, then there is no choice, and “you” does not exist. There is no idea of self, individualism, freedom, or responsibility. Hence you would lose all control over what you thought made up your entire life, and would have to not only redefine your existence, but admit, that you are only a programmed piece of meat and flesh, and are not responsible for what you make, do, say, or achieve. Hard to swallow? Try reading Eliezer J Sternberg’s “My Brain Made Me Do It: The Rise of Neuroscience and the Threat to Moral Responsibility” It’s a great read, that pretty much backs my theory of non-existence. BUT
On a much lighter, and possibly Fabulous NOTE -> Someone actually said that I should start a religion based on myself and that they would find a crew of people to follow . . .
;) more to come on the that crazy idea
As it is now, I will return to fiction writing, ranting, and so forth. Lately it’s been nothing but business and politics for me and I could use a trip to fiction land. All I can say is this
Expect great things to come!
What would be the exact definition of “you” or what do you think of when it comes to you as an individual? What makes you an individual? And what would happen if you found out that every single action you did was predetermined by genetics? That you had absolutely no control over what was thought of as your “choices”. Not to involve name placement such as religion, or lets even cut out determinism for a second. But let’s get down to the basics. Would you agree if every thought, action, decision, response, and choice you had as human being could be predetermined given all the variables (including all possible neuron sparks in your brain) and a basic mathematical equation i.e. throw the ball the left, it will go left . . . then the current definition of “you” would be non-applicable to life, and therefore changes the essence of existence. The definition of you commonly being individual actions, likes, dislikes, actions, and most importantly actions. If all could be predetermined, then there is no choice, and “you” does not exist. There is no idea of self, individualism, freedom, or responsibility. Hence you would lose all control over what you thought made up your entire life, and would have to not only redefine your existence, but admit, that you are only a programmed piece of meat and flesh, and are not responsible for what you make, do, say, or achieve. Hard to swallow? Try reading Eliezer J Sternberg’s “My Brain Made Me Do It: The Rise of Neuroscience and the Threat to Moral Responsibility” It’s a great read, that pretty much backs my theory of non-existence. BUT
On a much lighter, and possibly Fabulous NOTE -> Someone actually said that I should start a religion based on myself and that they would find a crew of people to follow . . .
;) more to come on the that crazy idea
As it is now, I will return to fiction writing, ranting, and so forth. Lately it’s been nothing but business and politics for me and I could use a trip to fiction land. All I can say is this
Expect great things to come!
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Constructive Negligence and Neuroscience Part 1
I rolled around on the kitchen floor. Laughing, crying, and screaming until someone paid attention. It was Panda; she sat down close to the breakfast bar, but not yet in the kitchen.
“What is wrong now?”
“I, eh?” How could I sum this up to someone going about a normal day, with a normal mind set and common goals?
“Come on Jane, just say it.” Dead tone and used up words. I flinched. Looking at her now, she was even more beautiful than my mind had built up. I reached for her, but she was too far away.
“I’m reading this book, and if I don’t prove this guy wrong . . . then . . . “
She closed her eyes. It had been a hell of a day. We were moving, again, and this time with only a couple of days’ notice and no movers. We had to do everything ourselves and I could tell it was wearing on her. I felt bad bringing up such topics in this condition, but I have never been much for lying.
“This book, well it’s more of an idea.”
“and that idea is?”
“Determinism” She didn’t know what that was, fuck I didn’t know what that was until I started reading, and researching it.
“It’s the theory that everything has a predetermined destination or place, even that of thought or action.” She says nothing, and nods.
“That is what you are trying to prove wrong?”
“Yes”
“That’s impossible.”
“It can’t be.”
“Why?”
“If everything has a predetermined destination, then we lose the freedom of individual right, choice, and self.”
“What do you mean?” Those dark, beautiful eyes size me up, and I roll to my stomach staring at the floor beneath me.
“If there is no choice, then there is no self, if there is no self, there is no being, if there is no being there is no existence, and we don’t exist.”
“That’s going overboard.” She’s right, well kind of. I’m stuck in a battle of logic vs. reality and I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. My goal was trying to find a mid-way or half-truth, something I could rely on to give me a sense of self.
“If a person can, with enough technology, determine every single action or reaction that you or I may have, then the only thing you have control over is how you actually feel this second, everything else is biologically predetermined and will happen because of genetics.”
~ Let me explain.
If you take a rock and throw it down a mountain can you predict exactly how it will fall and what it will hit? Can you predict, given all the possible outcomes, where it will land? How it will bounce off that tree and hit the boulder, then roll into the water? Most people will say yes. This confirms the fact that you then could predict, given all possible outcomes, the action or reaction a person will make in their life time. This then allows a person to know your “future” or predict it. Being that it is possible for someone to know your every move, there is no chance of freedom of choice. If there is no freedom of choice then I ask you how do we exist?
“What is wrong now?”
“I, eh?” How could I sum this up to someone going about a normal day, with a normal mind set and common goals?
“Come on Jane, just say it.” Dead tone and used up words. I flinched. Looking at her now, she was even more beautiful than my mind had built up. I reached for her, but she was too far away.
“I’m reading this book, and if I don’t prove this guy wrong . . . then . . . “
She closed her eyes. It had been a hell of a day. We were moving, again, and this time with only a couple of days’ notice and no movers. We had to do everything ourselves and I could tell it was wearing on her. I felt bad bringing up such topics in this condition, but I have never been much for lying.
“This book, well it’s more of an idea.”
“and that idea is?”
“Determinism” She didn’t know what that was, fuck I didn’t know what that was until I started reading, and researching it.
“It’s the theory that everything has a predetermined destination or place, even that of thought or action.” She says nothing, and nods.
“That is what you are trying to prove wrong?”
“Yes”
“That’s impossible.”
“It can’t be.”
“Why?”
“If everything has a predetermined destination, then we lose the freedom of individual right, choice, and self.”
“What do you mean?” Those dark, beautiful eyes size me up, and I roll to my stomach staring at the floor beneath me.
“If there is no choice, then there is no self, if there is no self, there is no being, if there is no being there is no existence, and we don’t exist.”
“That’s going overboard.” She’s right, well kind of. I’m stuck in a battle of logic vs. reality and I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. My goal was trying to find a mid-way or half-truth, something I could rely on to give me a sense of self.
“If a person can, with enough technology, determine every single action or reaction that you or I may have, then the only thing you have control over is how you actually feel this second, everything else is biologically predetermined and will happen because of genetics.”
~ Let me explain.
If you take a rock and throw it down a mountain can you predict exactly how it will fall and what it will hit? Can you predict, given all the possible outcomes, where it will land? How it will bounce off that tree and hit the boulder, then roll into the water? Most people will say yes. This confirms the fact that you then could predict, given all possible outcomes, the action or reaction a person will make in their life time. This then allows a person to know your “future” or predict it. Being that it is possible for someone to know your every move, there is no chance of freedom of choice. If there is no freedom of choice then I ask you how do we exist?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
